Monday, February 9, 2009

Nora Day #12 A Buffet of Thoughts

      Various readers have brought to my attention that I missed Nora Day #11's entry. I wish I had a good excuse for this aside from the fact that I simply had nothing to write about. My mind was blank, I lacked any burning issue to write my way through. Nora Day #12 is quite the opposite. I have lots of little burning issues nipping at the front of my brain, but none that are developed enough to translate into words on the page.

Thought #1
      I am still struggling to find the real purpose of Nora Day. It's original intent was to help me find balance. After a few weeks of sorting through different post college graduation transitions it turned into a day to feel sorry for myself, to dwell in loneliness (that at times is self created) and gawk at how my world is changing every second. So, I decided it was time to take some action. I started by taking yoga and training for a half marathon. Both are going well and leave me feeling invigorated and refreshed. However, they both fail to sustain any real assurance.

Thought #2
      I am tired of being pulled back and forth, of losing roots one day I had pushed so hard through the ground just days before. I don't necessarily want regularity or routine. Hell, I'm not even asking for security. I just want a stable ground to walk out on...I don't know, a starting block? A support system? A touchstone to reality? Just something I can count on.

Thought #3
      When I am not at the restaurant or at the office for my internship, I am probably on the internet researching possible paths for the future. I google things like "travel writing," "yoga instructor certification," and "teaching English abroad." I have a basic plan for each of these paths, both short and long term. But none of it is happening now and I am sick of waiting.

Thought #4
      My entire life has consisted of looking forward to the next best and/or big thing. When I was a kid I looked forward being a high schooler and going to proms with cute boys. When I was in high school I looked forward to going to college, living on my own, making new friends and studying writing in all its forms. When I was in college I looked forward to study abroad so I could finally get off campus and into the world. When I graduated I couldn't wait to start an adult life, make a move that only considered me and my needs, finding a job and paying bills without help from mom and dad. And now? I look forward to anything that is different from now.

Thought #5
      I wonder if I will ever enjoy the present.

1 comment:

M.Marie said...

I think one thing I've come to realize over the past year is that when I remember that life is made up of one small moment and then another, it's easier to be happy in the present.

I still suck at it most of the time; I try and guilt or convince myself that I must always live in the present, but I don't really work that way and I don't think many people do. But when I'm laughing with my roommates or I'm smelling the rain or I see a cute baby on the CTA- I can take that one small moment, really breathe it in and feel that life at this very moment is good.